We all know that parenting is hard, but at times we fail to give ourselves some grace as we tackle and endure the difficulties day in and day out. There are many situations every single day that I try to navigate, resolve and handle appropriately, but I am not always sure what to do. Some days I have ideas that seem so insightful and effective and other days I am at a loss and end up just yelling. Because let’s be honest…we yell when we feel as though we don’t have control. And I wonder, how much control do I ever really have? Kids are immature little humans, with their own personalities, desires, and sin. We have the opportunity to teach them valuable lessons and guide them to make good choices, but the reality is that they always have the CHOICE. And that is why parenting is so dang hard.
When I think about the younger, more rested version of myself, with fewer children and “less important” stuff to accomplish in a day (like school), I remember a much more publicly restrained and “with it” mom. But the mom that I am now, with my four little ones (homeschooling two), lacks the desire to pretend that parenting isn’t hard. There is no public show, just a real, raw mom, showing the world a side of myself that I’m not always proud of.
I often relive some public moments, and the words that came out of my mouth and feel guilty, embarrassed, and worry what another might think of me. Sometimes I wonder, “what have I become?” Am I just a more seasoned homeschool mom, riding the struggle bus and keeping it real? Or do I need to pull it together? I’m really unsure. As unsure about that, as I am how to handle the new ways my four year old pushes boundaries, how to tame my wild (and hilarious) two year old, how to direct the leader in my six year old and how to be sensitive to my nine year old.
But I am sure of a few things. Parenting is hard. And being a parent out in the world is hard. But, at the end of the day I have to come back to the truth:
- I love my kids SO much, and they know it. And that matters an awful lot.
- I mess up daily. I always will. My heavenly father forgives me and so do my children, I just ask for forgiveness from both.
- I have good kids. I really do. And if anyone disagrees, they don’t truly know them.
- It’s ok if I look like an idiot to others at times. I can handle being judged because I know I’m far from perfect and I know my identity in Christ.
- Parenting has always been hard and it’s hard for everyone. I’m just one of many moms doing her best. Sometimes it’s pretty and sometimes it’s ugly, but that IS the face of parenting.
And of course, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.